WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
