she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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