I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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