I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
