Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
