im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
