Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
