Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Farmville is her only friend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
