he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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