3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
