3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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