And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
