so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't turn off my feet"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
