She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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