My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
