So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
