i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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