I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My balls are so social today.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
