How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize