we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need water and some morals
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
