dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
