Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
