like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
