WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
operation harelip BJ is a go
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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