Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
