yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
