Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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