I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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