I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
