I CAN MOONWALK!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize