new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
