You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
