she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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