I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
