I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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