I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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