it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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