My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
