So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
