Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
