i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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