i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
