Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize