I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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