i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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