Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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