i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
