Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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