He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
