I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
