Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
