oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
