Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
