My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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