He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
