Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
