Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
