I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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