um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
