You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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