....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she looked like the before picture.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
