Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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