Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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