I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
