What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
