Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
