i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can text with my tongue
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
