I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
