At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
