she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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