So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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