I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
