Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
