I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
