They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
