Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she told me i tasted like america
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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