MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
