through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
