you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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