my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
