I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
