Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize