He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
