Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
